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TWELVE FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
In the past five years we have made many in-service
training presentations on Inclusion and ‘circles of friends’. On
most occasions, the audience our has been practising teachers, educational
psychologists or members of other LEA support services. This section
contains a selection of the most common questions we have been asked
and our evolving answers to them. A note of caution is needed. The answers are our
answers not the answers or even your answers. We cannot know what
will work best in your context, we can only say what has seemed to
work in similar settings. It is for this reason that we urge readers
to be creative in how you apply the ideas in this book to the situation
they are working in. As long as you have one eye fixed on the deeper
values and principles behind ‘circles of friends’, then you are free
to find your own ways to build relationships and community in your
workplace or family- be creative! 1) ‘WHAT IF, AT THE END OF THE WHOLE CLASS SESSION,
NO ONE SHOWS A WILLINGNESS TO BE PART OF THE FOCUS CHILD’S CIRCLE?’ This is probably the most frequently voiced anxiety
from anyone contemplating running the circles process. It is still
experienced by those who have already run several successful sessions
with different classes and tutor groups. Often this fear is fuelled
by other adults around the child who may have experienced considerable
frustration when trying to change the child’s behaviour or when they
have had to placate other pupils who have been made angry or fearful
by the focus child. Our and many others experience is that this fear
is never realised if the facilitator has recruited the right people
and asked the key questions from the heart - i.e. as if they mattered. Sometimes the whole class session will be used by
individual pupils as an opportunity to express their anger and frustration
with the focus child. As long as the facilitator provides a boundary
for these strong feelings and does not allow the session to become
solely about complaining, then it is helpful for this to happen-
the message is that this is real and people are being listened to.
With these feelings off their chests, the class is more likely to
be able to move on and look at ways forward to help the focus child. If, at the stage of enlisting support, things seem
to be sluggish or uncertain it is often helpful to put the recruitment
issue back to the class by asking, "Is there anyone who people
think would be a helpful member of the circle and who hasn’t yet
come forward? " Groups always have suggestions when asked this
and they are usually the right ones. The individuals nominated in
this way usually agree! 2) ‘WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A CHILD THAT SMELLS BAD,
SURELY YOU COULDN’T BUILD A CIRCLE FOR THEM?’ The answer is; "build a circle of friends!" Friends
are people who care enough to notice and tell the truth. We like to put the answering of this question back
to the person who asked it. Often hard questions like this are easier
to think about and imagine solutions to if you personalise them.
Therefore ask yourself; "Who would tell you if you smelled?" "Who
would you be angry with for not telling you?" "Who could
you bear to hear this news from?" These are answerable questions
in a way that the anonymous "What would you do with a child
that smells?" is not. Put in a personal way it is easier to
think what you might do and therefore to have ideas for what could
be done for the focus child. Another approach to answering this question
is to remember that the person who smells bad may be aware of this
but does not have a means of asking for help to overcome the problem.
A ‘circle of friends’ provides a context in which help can be sought. 3) ‘I CAN THINK OF AT LEAST SEVEN CHILDREN IN MY
CLASS WHO WOULD BENEFIT FROM THIS APPROACH, SHOULD I RUN CIRCLES
FOR EACH OF THEM?’ We doubt whether this would be manageable using
the process we describe and likewise, we would not recommend that
a circle has more than one focus child within it. However we would
recommend that readers get hold of a very useful paper by John Luckner,
a professor of special education at the University of Northern Colorado
(Luckner et al 1994). Here they will find a description of a personal
and social education programme that was focused on a group of eight
year 5 and 6 pupils all of whom were described as having difficulty
in making and keeping friends. This peer network included a child
with a significant hearing loss about whom there were particular
concerns regarding his lack of relationships within the class and
the impact of his hearing loss on his chances of forming closer friendships.
However he was not the focus of the group’s concerns. Each pupil
in the group was asked to commit to attend the "friendship sessions" for
at least eight weeks. Luckner’s paper describes the sequence of relationship
building activities that the group followed in their weekly meetings.
The informal evaluations carried out at the end of the programme
make it clear that there are many positive gains to be had from this
low key approach to relationship building. This piece of work also
underlines the point that making and sustaining relationships is
a area of tension for all pupils not simply those labelled different
or disabled 4)’ WHAT IF A DISCLOSURE IS MADE DURING THE CIRCLE
MEETING?’ It is important when briefing a new circle of friends
to ensure that all realise that they may be told something which
they cannot keep secret or confidential. Pupils will need to be reminded
that if they hear something important or worrying about or from the
focus child that they should speak to an adult such as the teacher
running the circle. It is quite possible that a disclosure could
be made to an individual or within the group meeting itself. One
of the strengths of the approach is that pupils learn to trust one
another. Secrets and private sufferings have in our and others’ experience
been safely shared in the most successful circles. 5) ‘WHAT ABOUT CIRCLE MEMBERS WHO BECOME "OVER
ENTHUSIASTIC"?’ Some circle members quickly become very enthusiastic
to support, befriend and bring about change in the focus pupil. Such
enthusiasm may be very endearing to the facilitator or teacher attempting
to set up a new circle. Clearly there are pitfalls to such enthusiasm.
Disappointment, over zealous watchfulness or leaving themselves vulnerable
to bullying, violent outbursts or just being unable to cope with
the focus child’s needs are among some of these. Careful support,
encouragement and guidance may be needed from the adult running the
circle or indeed further frank and honest discussion between circle
members about the issue will be beneficial. As discussed earlier
a key message to the individual circle members is: Never dive alone! Individuals within the circle should always be encouraged
to work together and to avoid situations in which they may become
vulnerable. Escorting a pupil home, visiting a pupil in their home,
playing in an isolated area and so forth can be potentially dangerous
for an individual pupil and they are much safer when there is more
than one circle member involved in whatever activity is planned. 6) ‘CAN CIRCLES CO-OPT MEMBERS?’ Yes. Stronger, older peers, relations, or even adults
may at times be usefully co-opted into the circle and strengthen
its work. Diversity brings strength and this is at the root of circle
work. The right people who can make a difference to the individual
need to be present. Sometimes the right person to co-opt is the one
who is giving the circle most concerns because of their antagonism
towards the focus child. A constructive way of viewing this antagonism
is to say that this child also has an unmet need to belong. Inviting
him or her to be part of the circle is a step towards meeting this
need and will likely deal with the antagonism at the same time 7) ‘WHAT OTHER WAYS ARE THERE TO ENCOURAGE FRIENDSHIP?’ Just being with other children can be a critical
variable in the development of friendships for the most vulnerable
especially those being educated in segregated settings. Mainstream
classrooms techniques to encourage friendships can include mentoring
systems, peer tutoring, buddy schemes and co-operative learning groups
(Luckner and McDonald, 1991) Schools can encourage disabled and able
bodied pupils to get involved with other children in such extra Curriculum
activities as chess clubs, team sports, photography, and any variety
of outdoor activities. Assemblies and lessons that focus on the importance
of friendship and supportive relationships can helpfully be built
in throughout the school curriculum. Reading and discussing books about friendship, such
as Friends (Heine, 1985), is another straightforward way to promote
the learning of friendship skills. Enrolling or inducting new pupils
is an excellent opportunity to teach friendship skills. Discussion
about pupils can focus on ways to help the newcomer feel welcome
and secure. A welcoming committee can be formed or one or more class
members can be assigned as buddies to help the new pupil adapt to
classroom routines, the daily timetable and the physical geography
of the school. Teachers should always be alert for opportunities
to suggest meaningful interactions among students building on their
observations of children working together. Teachers can arrange for students who need friends
to work with more sociable classmates on activities such as cleaning
blackboards, watering plants, carrying materials from car to school,
or from room to room, running errands or returning books to the library.
Within all of this - what are the key peer support skills we should
focus on? Luckner and colleagues, in the1994 article mentioned
above, provide an excellent response to this question as follows: 1. Developing positives interactions: the skills
of been positive, attentive, approving, encouraging and interesting 2. Finding areas of compatibility: common interests
are the most common basis for friendship. Pupils need to understand
the importance of expressing interest in the concerns and experiences
of others, as well as their own. 3. Empathising with others: learning to be understanding
and sensitive to the concerns and feeling of others 4. Sharing and providing support : pupils need to
learn to help, support and share with others, especially in times
of need. 5. Building trust-worthiness and loyalty : pupils
need to understand the concepts of honesty and loyalty as well as
the specific behaviours that these require. 6. Developing skills for conflict resolution: learning
to protect one's own interests assertively without being either submissive
or aggressive is a major challenge for both pupils and many adults. 8) ‘WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO CHOOSE THE CIRCLE MEMBERS?’ This question is touched on in Chapter 4. There
are many ways in which a circle can be formed including the following: · Random selection of pupils. The facilitator can
be blindfolded or simply close their eyes and can point at volunteers
randomly until the required number of are selected. Names can be
picked from a hat or similar receptacle. · Teacher selection. Teachers may wish to make their
own selection of ideal circle members for the focus pupil. We do
not encourage this option as it can run the risk of old cycles of
preference and selection taking precedence over other more important
factors · Facilitator selection. The facilitator who may
be a visiting educational psychologist, advisory teacher, head teacher,
special needs co-ordinator or other; makes the choice on the basis
of contributions to the whole class session. We do not prefer this
method as a silent member of the whole group session may hold an
essential key to relationships with the focus pupil. · Pupil selection. The class or tutor group simply
nominate a number of pupils who they feel to be best suited to support
the focus pupil. They can be prompted to consider shared interests,
hobbies or other activities or to consider other strengths of fellow
classmates including strong personality, communication skills, negotiation
skills, popularity and most importantly street credibility. · Compromise selection involving facilitator, teacher
and pupil selection. The facilitator chooses two pupils on the basis
of their contribution to the discussion. The teacher chooses a further
two members on the basis of his or her knowledge of the class or
tutor group and the pupils choose the rest. At the time of writing,
this is the method of selection we are using most frequently. But
remember- what works best for us may not be what works best for you. · Focus pupil selects members of his or her circle
from volunteers. In this scenario the focus pupil would be given
the names of volunteers and might be asked to suggest other names
of pupils who would be most helpful, supportive and usefully challenging
within their circle of friends. This would provide maximum control
to the focus pupil and strengthen their ownership but would also
contain some disadvantages. There is a security and a sense of clear
boundaries for a focus pupil who is able to meet a already formed
circle where all have volunteered and have been selected using methods
drawn from the above list. 9) ‘HOW LONG DO CHILDREN NEED TO REMAIN AS MEMBERS
OF THE CIRCLE?’ We have already stressed the need for the facilitator
to provide boundaries for the circle members in order to allow safe
expression of feelings. Time boundaries are also important and it
can be helpful to let prospective circle members know that their
commitment will be expected for a set period (a school term is a
useful block of time) and that after this they will have the choice
of continuing for a further period or of opting out for a spell.
In practice we have found that opting out is rare in successful circles,
however circle members, particularly in circles at secondary stage,
find it reassuring to know that they can. 10) ‘CAN THE CIRCLE MEET WITHOUT THE FOCUS CHILD
PRESENT?’ Strictly speaking this is not an option that has
any place in an authentic approach to circle of friends work. The
circle is built around the focus child who must have the final say
on decisions taken and the power to influence how things are viewed
by others. This is unlikely to be possible if they are not at the
meeting. In practice much will depend on the skills of the facilitator
and his or her ability to enable difficult issues and individual
circle members’ frustrations to be aired in a constructive way. We are certainly aware that some facilitators have
felt the need to convene a circle meeting without the focus child
present. This has usually occurred when things appear to be going
badly, the efforts of circle members are felt to be having little
effect on identified issues and it is felt that they would benefit
from a chance to offload some of their frustrations. This may be
a helpful step to take if the alternative is the demise of the circle,
but if you are finding that you are having frequent circle meetings
without the focus child then you have strayed way off track and are
no longer facilitating a ‘circle of friends’. 11) ‘WHAT IF IT ALL GOES WRONG? ‘ The work does involve risks. Human relationships
involve risks. The risks of doing nothing or of staying with tried
and tested methods seem to us much greater. Remember circles of friends
can actually stop children been excluded or segregated. As we have
already made clear exclusion and segregation are likely to be highly
damaging experiences for the individual concerned. Particular risks
in school settings that are worth being aware of, when using ‘circles
of friends’, include the following: 1. Sabotage. This may be caused by senior members
of staff or by colleagues and has a variety of motivations. Sabotage
can occur in all innocence as a result of chaotic planning, or arise
from a lack of understanding of the circle of friends process. 2. Continuity breaks. Things can get off track when
circle meetings are brought to an untimely end due to cover problems,
staff absence or the work not being seen as high priority. This breaks
the flow and commitment of the circle and is particularly unhelpful
to the focus pupil. 3. Others feel excluded. Other members of staff
may be unwittingly threatened by the relationship you have formed
with the focus child and their circle. They may feel deskilled by
the enthusiasm you have created or resentful of the time you have
found or negotiated for your work with the circle. Whatever triggers
these feelings, the associated behaviours can be potentially destructive.
Beware. 4. Over enthusiasm by individual circle members
can lead to them placing themselves in high-risk situations with
the focus pupil. Individuals always need reminding to work together
in mutual support rather than going it alone. 5. Parental anxiety. Parents of the focus pupil
or parents of members of the circle may become unduly anxious about
what is going on for their child in the circle of friends’ work.
This usually occurs where parents have not been properly informed
about what is happening or are relying on rumour, or reacting to
a particular event. At other times, if you are not confident or comfortable
with the direction things are going in, you will have the option
of having further consultations with whoever provided the initial
external facilitation. When things get difficult it is often because
the circle has been over ambitious in its early planning and expectations
of being able to make a difference. Things can often be brought back
on track if you simplify and reduce the number of aims being worked
towards. You won’t get it right first time every time. The message is that you should assess the risks
within your own situation and to plan your action accordingly. This
work is worth the risk! As a rule you should always aim to work together
with another person, possibly a colleague and always ensure that
individuals in the key stake holder positions within your school
setting fully understand and support what you are trying to do. Never
go it alone! 12) ‘WHAT IF.......?’ The last question, and it is not really a "frequently
asked question" but it may be a "frequently thought question".
If there is an answer, it is that sometimes we have no idea what
the way forward is. This answer is a counsel against the culture
of professionalism that implies that every situation is covered,
every question has an answer if only we knew who we should refer
to. To be able to say with honesty that you don’t know what to do
next is often a therapeutic thing to do. It passes the power back
to the person that is seeking help. Purchase our practical handbook for just £14.95 from
us using the Order form or via Amazon (go to Books and Videos).
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